Do you mind taking a look at the sentences I wrote and fixing them?
Could you please correct my writing so that it's more natural?
ーDo you mind taking a look at the sentences I wrote and fixing them?
「私の文章を見て直してもらえませんか？」
take a look at the sentences で「文章を見る」
fix で「直す」
ーCould you please correct my writing so that it's more natural?
「もっと自然になるよう私の文章を直してもらえませんか？」
correct で「（誤りなどを）訂正する・直す」
writing で「文章」とも言えます。
ご参考まで！
カナダ 
